Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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