We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
