take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
