i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
