If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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