addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm like, not good at living.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
