did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
