the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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