yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
