Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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