Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
