finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
