For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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