I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
