M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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