There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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