Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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