just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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