Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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