Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
