I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woke up backwards on a recliner
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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