me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
