omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
