Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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