this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
