No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
