Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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