So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
