you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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