I'm really into asian looking animals
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
