Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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