69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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