Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
