I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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