I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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