The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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