The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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