I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
