I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
zippers are such a cool invention
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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