she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
