Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
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