I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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