Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
