three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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