so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
