we're blogging at a bar
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
