can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
