You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
They have beer where we have blood.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
