Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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