Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
