I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
