she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
