the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
