we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
