You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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