There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
