there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
