How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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