the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Too much gin, very little bucket
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I need a beard to bite.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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